Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
