okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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