Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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