we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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