I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
