I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
