'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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