Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
