you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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