I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
