White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
