She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
