This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
