She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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