this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
