she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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