i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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