Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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