just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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