So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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