Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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