Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
