I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
