This is not my ceiling
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
