I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
