dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
