I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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