if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
accomplished twins. life is a go
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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