I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
