do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
