Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
