your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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