Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
