i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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