The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
