Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
she woke up with a sticky ear
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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