She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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