She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
