hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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