***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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