Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
