you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
