She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm both gender and math confused
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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