he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
