he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
