he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
