The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
