I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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