I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
