I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
