Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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